Self-care is not the absence of someone else.

When you’re in a long-distance relationship it’s easy to feel like you always want to be talking to that person–tethered by text messages and video chats, but that doesn’t allow sufficient time for either of you to grow and enjoy as individuals.

One of the biggest mistakes I’ve made in past relationships is having the expectation that if we are constantly together (i.e. talking, videoing) then I can prevent the relationship from failing. I can tell you, based on my personal experience, the strength of a relationship has almost nothing to do with spending constant time with your partner.

What does?

Taking time apart to pursue hobbies, jobs, friends, and family. When you love someone faithfully and with hope it doesn’t mean that things are guaranteed, but what it does mean is all the time you’ve spent worrying you get to spend present – in your life with your partner and in your life outside of them. 

Last night, I asked my girlfriend a very vulnerable question and her answer went something like this, “we trust and we hope.” The more time you spend building your personal confidence up whether it be through accomplishing a goal, making something with your own two hands, or simply taking space to breathe and thrive the easier time you have accepting that there’s nothing wrong with the unknown – it’s simply what exists. 

This weekend, I spent more time than usual alone and at first it was very difficult for me, but then I felt … healthy! It’s amazing what a change of mindset can do.

When nothing is wrong, I encourage you to stop picking up a thread just to have something in your hands. Keep them open, keep them willing, keep them here.