I don’t know how to accurately convey where my heart is tonight. I spent months and months and months in the most pain and anguish I had ever experienced. All I had for those months were God and a strong belief that I was going to get to the other side. I stayed stuck for way too long, though. I ignored the people who cared about me in my life. I did things without thinking about their impact.
I basically did my life on autopilot.
I was constantly in pain and constantly saying, “I’m okay.”
But, small moments of kindness completely unraveled me.
I remember once being in line at Trader Joe’s. The lady was done bagging my groceries and I realized I’d left my card on top of my kitchen counter after doing the laundry. I quickly said I would come back, but as the words fell out of my mouth the woman buying her groceries beside me said she’d pay for mine—I could just Venmo her! What!?
On Thanksgiving, I celebrated solo except for talking to my friend L for the first time on the phone. We drank and laughed and talked for hours and I heated up my dinner-for-one in complete bliss.
I remember on Christmas Eve I was in a lot of pain, but I ended up connecting with this beautiful mother and her niece. I woke up to snow. Even in the muck there was magic.
During all of those moments of happiness there was a lot going on in the forefront, but I had an unwavering faith that those small joys would become much bigger players in my future.
Then, one day I met A. I nervously sent her a voice note and she sent one back and, now, well, it’s like constant joy and wonderment and awe and hope. And, B, well she gave me that hope to find A and there’s a beautiful thread there. I guess what I’m trying to say is this: this book had me thinking about myself and my journey and my heart and my wounds and my faith and my new blog, (Jamie actually inspired me to create my blog and just go for it — well, I think her and God were in cahoots). Any good book in my mind has me feeling a lot with my heart and getting really quiet in my head. This book had me feeling, quietly thinking, and then acting, (which seems like the perfect bonus)!
Life is bigger and bolder than I thought possible all because I kept an unwavering faith that somehow someway there was more.
Read this book. Keep the faith. 💙
Believe It by Jamie Kern Lima is for the believers, the broken, the losers, the ones who didn’t get the manual, the bosses, the overachievers, those who lost their faith and those who just found it, the lovers, and, well, everyone in-between. Jamie writes beautifully about all of her experiences and her story is one that I will continue to reference throughout my own journey.
One of my favorite quotes from her memoir is,
In life it’s not our experiences that make us unique, it’s our response to those experiences. And to the uncertainty they immerse us in. Where you come from doesn’t have to determine where you’re going, but it definitely shapes the foundation you have to build on.Jamie Kern Lima
Amen, Jamie. A-men!